OMG....... I seriously look like I'm 5 months pregnant, it insane. I haven't really been bothered by the bloat until today, I'm sure it's got something to do with the 4 patches I put on this morning plus the 4mg of pills I'm putting up myself oh and the lupron. I also have some cramping tonight which I haven't experienced yet, oh the joys. I'm so excited for next week!!!!!! I'm so scared for next week!!!!!! I just don't know how to feel right now. I'm in a fog, a big one......

Every thing looks good..... No BEAUTIFUL

Those where the words that came out of my RE's mouth today during my ultrasound! I'm so excited, 2 weeks from today is the big day! I'm so tired, bloated and emotional from the drugs, my poor hubby doesn't know what to think about me right now. Last night I woke up at 3am and couldn't get back to sleep, I find myself letting my mind wander into a really dark place......the place I experienced last time. I know I need to not go there but it's so hard......I'm going to start some meditation this weekend to hopefully help. The last week was HELL!!!! I was stuck at home all week due to the crazy snow that we got here in the PNW. As beautiful as it was it created a ginormous mess and caused us to lose power for 2 days :( thankfully we have gas for our water and fireplace so we stayed nice and warm. I'm am officially leaving my job!!!! Eeekkkkk yep that's right February 6th is my last day at my store. It's so bittersweet because I know that I NEED to get out of the environment and move on but shhhheeesssss I have been there for almost 6 years. I am so sad to leave my amazing team and wonderful customers :( I have started the proccess of interviewing at our headquarters which is crazy in itself, I'm hoping to have a new way less stressful position by the end of February. I'm taking 2 weeks of vacation after the FET so I can relax and help those embabies implant! Im so nervous about starting a new job so early on if the FET works but I really don't have any other choice. I'm just trying to take it one day at time.....

Here we go!

We have a date! February 8th 2012 for our FET! I'm so excited yet nervous. I start lupron this Tuesday and then estrogen the following week. I have been busting my butt trying to lose some weight and get back in shape, man I forgot how much it sucks dieting! Thankfully we still do our veggie juice everyday, it helps me from snacking through out the day. I have been trying to do one cheat meal night a week, last night was pizza!!!! Food has always been my weakness especially when im an emotional basket case. I have figured out by not buying crapy stuff i can eat it, who would have thought!!!! I know I'm pretty boring but there isn't much going on in my life right now. The holiday season was great! We had my step-daughter for 10 days and for Xmas!! She had such a blast and it was so fun to spoil her rotten. The week before Xmas my SIL sent me a nice letter appologizing for her actions, I'm happy that she finally stepped up to the plate and said sorry, but I'm still upset and hurt. I told her I didn't want to meet in person to talk and was ready to move on from it. I really don't want to focus on it anymore, I have bigger things to worry about :) It was much easier to be around her for the holidays which was super nice cause it could have been really awkward. I hope that if she did any of this to be malicious that she learned her lesson. To all of you amazing women that read my blog and who are going through IF hell with me, thank you for sharing your stories with me! You give me hope and much needed courage to keep going!