It's over.....

I'm devastated, nothing more to say.

a little of this a little of that........

Yay im excited! Thanks to @sometimesitshardtogetpregnant.blogspot.com for tagging me )

1. What household chore would you never ever do again if you could have your way? CLEAN THE BATHROOM, I ABSOLUTELY HATE IT
2. Ever been to a drive-in movie theater? If so, when and where? And did you neck in the back seat? If not, any desire? HAHA YES I HAVE IN HIGH SCHOOL, DONT REMEMBER WHAT MOVIE I SAW THOUGH AND NO NECKING WAS INVOLVED I WAS A GOODY GOODY ;)
3. Favorite thing to do on a rainy, dreary day? SLEEP IN LATE AND RELAX ON THE COUCH WITH MY HUBBY AND DOG READING AND WATCHING MOVIES
4. Apple or banana? APPLE 
5. What are your favorite smells? FRESH CLEAN SHEETS RIGHT OUT OF THE DRYER, FRESH RAIN ON DRY PAVEMENT, MY SHAMPOO AND BABIES 
6. What would you do with a million bucks? HMMMM SO, MUCH PAY OFF DEBT, GO TO THE MALDIVES BUY A NEW HOUSE......
7. If you were President of the world, what would you fix first about the world? WOW WHAT WOULDNT I FIX IS A BETTER QUESTION!
8. What's the most exotic place you've been or want to go? FIJI FOR OUR HONEYMOON, ALL OVER ITALY LAST YEAR.  WILL GO TO THE MALDIVES BEFORE I DIE!!!!!
9. Sweet or salty? BOTH :)
10. Most recent book you've read? Recommend it? OPEN HEART EMPTY WOMB, YES I WOULD RECOMMEND IT 
11. Five basic food items your house is (almost) never without? FRUIT,VEGGIES, CHICKEN, BREAD AND YOGURT

Im struggling with keeping my positive outlook :( im 6dp5dt , my cramping stopped yesterday, I had horrible headache all day yesterday too, boobs are still sore and huge as well as my tummy.  Im driving myself crazy with every move I make, I tried to talk hubby into getting a pregnancy test at the store last night but he didnt go for it.  We have the kiddo this weekend and im not sure if I want to find out while she is here so I might POAS on friday so I can be prepared.  Im praying for all of you laddies in all of your different stages :)

Waiting wishing and hoping........

Our transfer went amazing on Wednesday! The process was much easier this time around thanks to the 2 valium I popped this time :) I had done my homework and come in with a full bladder but of course Dr. K was running behind and I couldn't hold it anymore so he had to fill it back up with the lovely catheter I hate that thing. After the transfer I stayed in the recovery room for a couple hours and relaxed before we headed home. Let me tell you how much I'm not a fan of bed rest or as we do in my house couch rest, dont get me wrong it's super nice to be waited on by my hubby but it kills my back just laying! I swear every time I move I feel like I'm screwing something up with the embabies :( that feeling really sucks. I have been sleeping with my big body pillow due to the fact that I'm a stomach sleeper and have been trying really hard to log roll myself out of bed to use the potty. The cool thing about this FET is there is no progesterone needles! Thank goodness for that, however 4 prometrium pills up the the lady parts every day is a little much oh as well as 2 estrace pills shhheeeesh. I am feeling some light cramping here and there but overall just feel really big and swollen in the tummy area and the boobs. I got to take a much needed shower today, man standing up for 10 minutes after being down for almost 3 days was tough! I'm looking forward to taking it really easy over the next week. I'm hoping that I'm strong enough to stay away from POAS but we shall see.........beta is a week from tomorrow

OMG....... I seriously look like I'm 5 months pregnant, it insane. I haven't really been bothered by the bloat until today, I'm sure it's got something to do with the 4 patches I put on this morning plus the 4mg of pills I'm putting up myself oh and the lupron. I also have some cramping tonight which I haven't experienced yet, oh the joys. I'm so excited for next week!!!!!! I'm so scared for next week!!!!!! I just don't know how to feel right now. I'm in a fog, a big one......

Every thing looks good..... No BEAUTIFUL

Those where the words that came out of my RE's mouth today during my ultrasound! I'm so excited, 2 weeks from today is the big day! I'm so tired, bloated and emotional from the drugs, my poor hubby doesn't know what to think about me right now. Last night I woke up at 3am and couldn't get back to sleep, I find myself letting my mind wander into a really dark place......the place I experienced last time. I know I need to not go there but it's so hard......I'm going to start some meditation this weekend to hopefully help. The last week was HELL!!!! I was stuck at home all week due to the crazy snow that we got here in the PNW. As beautiful as it was it created a ginormous mess and caused us to lose power for 2 days :( thankfully we have gas for our water and fireplace so we stayed nice and warm. I'm am officially leaving my job!!!! Eeekkkkk yep that's right February 6th is my last day at my store. It's so bittersweet because I know that I NEED to get out of the environment and move on but shhhheeesssss I have been there for almost 6 years. I am so sad to leave my amazing team and wonderful customers :( I have started the proccess of interviewing at our headquarters which is crazy in itself, I'm hoping to have a new way less stressful position by the end of February. I'm taking 2 weeks of vacation after the FET so I can relax and help those embabies implant! Im so nervous about starting a new job so early on if the FET works but I really don't have any other choice. I'm just trying to take it one day at time.....

Here we go!

We have a date! February 8th 2012 for our FET! I'm so excited yet nervous. I start lupron this Tuesday and then estrogen the following week. I have been busting my butt trying to lose some weight and get back in shape, man I forgot how much it sucks dieting! Thankfully we still do our veggie juice everyday, it helps me from snacking through out the day. I have been trying to do one cheat meal night a week, last night was pizza!!!! Food has always been my weakness especially when im an emotional basket case. I have figured out by not buying crapy stuff i can eat it, who would have thought!!!! I know I'm pretty boring but there isn't much going on in my life right now. The holiday season was great! We had my step-daughter for 10 days and for Xmas!! She had such a blast and it was so fun to spoil her rotten. The week before Xmas my SIL sent me a nice letter appologizing for her actions, I'm happy that she finally stepped up to the plate and said sorry, but I'm still upset and hurt. I told her I didn't want to meet in person to talk and was ready to move on from it. I really don't want to focus on it anymore, I have bigger things to worry about :) It was much easier to be around her for the holidays which was super nice cause it could have been really awkward. I hope that if she did any of this to be malicious that she learned her lesson. To all of you amazing women that read my blog and who are going through IF hell with me, thank you for sharing your stories with me! You give me hope and much needed courage to keep going!

im still here.....

Waiting on AF, oh joy.  I am so hoping that last moth we had some really good luck and maybe got pregnant on our own, but im pretty sure I shouldnt hold my breath....... This last month was super busy it seems!  Work has been crazy non stop with the holidays almost here, it seems that every weekend we have something going on too.

Today I got 2 early Christmas presents!!!! New carpet and a new vacuum!!!!!!  I have been wanting new carpet for the last 3 years and this year I finally talked my hubby into it.  The sad part was that our deal was to get new carpet when I was 3 months pregnant, so today was a little bitter sweet for me.  I am super excited to not deal with the mess of it all when I am pregnant next time though!

My BFF is getting married in June so I got to help her pick out her wedding dress, which I absolutely LOVE to do!  I swear I should work at a bridal salon, im not sure why but I think wedding dresses are pretty darn awesome!  I am also in her wedding party so we are in the process of finding bridesmaid dresses too!  I really hope that I will be able to fit in to something that doesnt resemble a sheet in June if (knock on wood) Im 6 months pregnant.

For those of you wondering what the status is with my SIL..... well it was nothing as of this last week, she didnt come to that family get together that we had(she had a mary kay thing in Portland) so that was nice! My hubby had lunch with his brother this last week and let him know that his wife needed to be the first to make a move, that I was not going to reach out to her.  I think that sparked something because this week I received a letter from her, honestly I am happy that she finally stepped up to the plate and grew some balls!  The letter was pretty much what I thought it would be, apologizing for not telling me and for getting pregnant when they did blah blah blah...... I think im still to pissed to let it all go right this second but I know I will in time.  I just have to realize that I have to deal with her differently because she has such a hard time grasping reality.

Im so excited and nervous for January!  I cant wait to start the FET process but I am also so so scared, I dont want to lose another baby, I dont want to go through that again...........

Here we go...................

Oh I wanted to share a photo of my family with you all!  We just had these pictures taken by one of my oldest friends from high school who has an amazing talent behind the camera!  Check here out @ softfocus-photography.com